This is gorgeous. It tells such a beautiful story of an American journey, and it gives a perspective of America that's sadly kinda easy to forget nowadays because of...well, obvious reasons. I found it a nice touch that you brought up states that are easy to forget, like Oregon and Montana, but they actually happen to be some of the most beautiful.
Very, very nicely written. Awesome work, may I say.
Hiland-RoseFeatured By OwnerApr 16, 2013Professional Artisan Crafter
Thank you for saying it. I am with you all the way in this thought process. I live in Colorado and can't imagine a more beautiful place than the mountains after the sun goes down and the sounds of the cities die away... I love the imagery you create of all of the places you visit in this poem... gorgeous work, and a pleasant reminder that there really is no place like home!
So I have this James Wright-based obsession with America, especially all that states I don't know enough about to place on a map properly. So this poem is basically everything I want to write and everything I want to do. The opening's excellent; I don't think I could have stopped after that second sentence. The final two lines are just swearword incredible; it's kind of difficult to talk about. Congrats on the DD and I'm genuinely looking forward to checking out the rest of your gallery. But first I'm gonna sleep or else I'd face plant this laptop.
This is really fantastic. I love how efficient each vignette is, and how descriptive without being verbose. Each section has a very haiku-ish sort of feel. I think that ii. is my favourite, it feels so poignant.
I took a road trip from my native Maryland all the way to Montana, and you summarized my favorite memories of the state perfectly: the stars, the sunrises, and how simple things managed to look beautiful.
Also. "Learn from us, they begged. And let us fade into irrelevance." is such a very powerful line. I'm going to have to quote you someday.
"Learn from us, they begged. And let us fade into irrelevance."
What a powerful line.
Learn from their sufferings and all their sacrifices. Remember the time when people of color were persecuted over something so trivial. And when the time comes for human beings look at one another and not see skin first, but the true man hidden beneath the skin, let the memories of the Civil Rights fighters fade away. Let their sufferings of before, during, and after be forgotten. With their task completed, why should their grandchildren focus on such harsh memories? Let them forget the existence of the concepts of nonsensical hatred, let them forget any grudge they may bear against the descendants of ignorant ancestors.
At least that's my interpretation of the lines. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong and/or if you care.
Every section was excellent, but the part about the Dakotas left the deepest impression on me. I don't even like being in the countryside, but you described it in such original and captivating terms it almost makes me want to give it another chance. I guess it was the line about being "allowed to be small." It communicates the idea of not taking oneself and one's endeavors so seriously, and just taking the time to relax and take it all in.
With that in mind, listen to Home by Above and Beyond. It really sets the mood.