A rewrite of an angsty piece written in 2007. I don't recall if I ever posted the original, but as a spot of pride in my own editing accomplishments, here is the original draft, in all its awesome horribleness!
The words are mad as rabid dogs
That cannot distinguish butterfly
From serpent and so kill it all:
Wrench wings from body
And tongue from stomach
With equal rigor.
Metaphors construct themselves
From brittle bones, rotting meat
Dance under half a moon,
Pretending they are glorious and alive
As reality never allowed:
A cacophony of joints and teeth, clinking.
Mist dampens the air
And fingers my hair. I am alone,
The solitary witness
To how hearts celebrate
When they break.
In the re-write I tried to refocus the ending to better incorporate the element of physically writing. I also focused on phonic devices and internal slight rhyme. Any critique or analysis is very appreciated. I'm especially uncertain about the middle stanza. It still feels clunky to me.