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Make of it what you will. Been sitting on this for a while now.
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:iconfurnosaurus:
Furnosaurus Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2014
fun and sweet.. thank you   you're making me smile
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank YOU! I'm pleased you liked so much of my gallery enough to comment and fave. :D
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:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014  Student Writer
This is soft gold and I especially love everything from "and what does a baby know that mountains do not?" down.
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:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I love the tone of this. Lovely work, Ms. Lili. :heart:
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is just gorgeous and real and I want to kiss you for it but I won't 'cause that'd be weird. Anyway. Fantastic job.
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:smooch: What's weird about a smooch between friends? I kiss people alllll the time!
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:giggle: I don't actually know. I just don't have much physical contact with people at all. Lol.
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:iconsadisticicecream:
SadisticIceCream Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013   Writer
Beautifully-written food for thought for my sleepy, rainy morning. :)
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:iconfake-theory:
fake-theory Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013
wow, this is beautiful. the last two lines fit together perfectly. <3
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :)
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:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013   Writer
I especially love the line

and what does a baby know that mountains do not?

Nice work, throughout. :heart:
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! I kind of liked that line, too. :)
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:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hi! Just wanted to let you know, this has been included in my "More Love For Favorites" feature series here: fav.me/d6hnd6h
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:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is raw, honest and brilliant. What a fresh does of perspective! The first half peaked my interest, but the second half was my favorite part. It's wise and inspirational. I can't rave about this enough. :heart:
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks so much for your kind praise. <3
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:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely my pleasure!
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:iconnichrysalis:
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Good to see you, by the way. :heart:
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:iconnichrysalis:
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not sure as to why, but I read this poem entirely backwards, from stanza to stanza, and still got the gist of the piece; however, reading through it both ways I feel as if I still have nowhere near enough information as to what the piece is after to determine what it is trying to say, and that entire parts of it seem to have me going in a circle with what you want me to take from it and what I am actually taking away from the piece.
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
What do you take away from it, Nic? I'm very curious. :)
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:iconnichrysalis:
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It just seems to be words there on the paper, Lili, and that's about all I can take away from it at the moment. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is far from your better work and I see a lot of signs within the poem itself that suggest you did sit on this for a while, maybe even strained on it. Take the spine of the poem itself for example:


It
is slowly,
progressively,
taking up more of the page.
This can be a sign of a lot of things:

inexperience, a need to take a break,
tunnel vision/inattention to the length of your lines,
lack of bringing focus to the words in the lines and a lot of other various things.


Most of the time, I take a poem that has a spine such as that as an indicator that I need to take a break or need to reevaluate my wording, phrasing, spacing, line-breaks, stanza-breaks or where I want my emphases on what words.

I could sit here and pick this apart, but I'd like your blessing/permission/approval or something similar first. :P
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
But, as a side note, most of my stuff has that sort of spine. I just read/edited the entirety of my poetry gallery. lol It is a pattern I noticed.
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:iconnichrysalis:
Nichrysalis Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, it always bothered me aesthetically so I looked into why I did it, and found that there was a reason/reasons for it seeming off. There are times when it is appropriate, but those are few and far between.
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think that depends largely on your uniquely developed writing habits, actually. Some of the best poems I've ever read had lines that were one word long mixed in with lines that were an entire paragraph long. It is a case-by-case sort of thing for me.
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That's why I ticked the critique requested box. ;) I sat on this, literally, for months. It is the ONLY thing I've written in months. I'm dry as a bone. Some direction would be much appreciated. 
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:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
One can graze thoughtfully on these musing with great profit. :)
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:iconvainamoinenian:
Vainamoinenian Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I personally loved the mood in this. Especially the lines "what does a baby know that mountains do not?" and all those "what smb knows that smb doesn't", They were really beautiful. But the last two lines.... they just made the poem complete. I fell in love with them, but I'll marry the last one "somehow, anyway"... Brilliant!!! Clap Clap Clap 
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:iconliliwrites:
LiliWrites Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much. You are too kind. <3
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:iconvainamoinenian:
Vainamoinenian Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
the pleasure was mine! :hug:
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August 11, 2013
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