This is raw, honest and brilliant. What a fresh does of perspective! The first half peaked my interest, but the second half was my favorite part. It's wise and inspirational. I can't rave about this enough.
I'm not sure as to why, but I read this poem entirely backwards, from stanza to stanza, and still got the gist of the piece; however, reading through it both ways I feel as if I still have nowhere near enough information as to what the piece is after to determine what it is trying to say, and that entire parts of it seem to have me going in a circle with what you want me to take from it and what I am actually taking away from the piece.
It just seems to be words there on the paper, Lili, and that's about all I can take away from it at the moment. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is far from your better work and I see a lot of signs within the poem itself that suggest you did sit on this for a while, maybe even strained on it. Take the spine of the poem itself for example:
It is slowly, progressively, taking up more of the page. This can be a sign of a lot of things:
inexperience, a need to take a break, tunnel vision/inattention to the length of your lines, lack of bringing focus to the words in the lines and a lot of other various things.
Most of the time, I take a poem that has a spine such as that as an indicator that I need to take a break or need to reevaluate my wording, phrasing, spacing, line-breaks, stanza-breaks or where I want my emphases on what words.
I could sit here and pick this apart, but I'd like your blessing/permission/approval or something similar first.
Yes, it always bothered me aesthetically so I looked into why I did it, and found that there was a reason/reasons for it seeming off. There are times when it is appropriate, but those are few and far between.
I think that depends largely on your uniquely developed writing habits, actually. Some of the best poems I've ever read had lines that were one word long mixed in with lines that were an entire paragraph long. It is a case-by-case sort of thing for me.
I personally loved the mood in this. Especially the lines "what does a baby know that mountains do not?" and all those "what smb knows that smb doesn't", They were really beautiful. But the last two lines.... they just made the poem complete. I fell in love with them, but I'll marry the last one "somehow, anyway"... Brilliant!!!